My Super Bowl: Musings on the 88th Annual Academy Awards Red Carpet

Lovelies,

A confession…. Today I am suffering from a little POFD. Post Oscars Fashion Depression. “Fashion policing” is my sport of choice, so last evening was my “Super Bowl.” As I was coming down from my high this morning, I pulled together a collection of thoughts that I ever so humbly submit to you, my Lovelies.

With fashion, it is all but impossible to “reinvent the wheel” unless one is willing to (or trying to – Bjork!) land on the worst dressed list. And so great dresses are born from important components like historic reference, tailoring, fabric selection, color, texture, details and embellishment. Hair, makeup, jewelry selection and knowing which dress is right for a girl can make or break a look. The 88th Academy Awards did not disappoint, with some swoon worthy gowns and hot mess train wrecks. Some small themes surfaced including jewel tones, dazzling statement jewelry and oh yeah, enough cleavage to keep the fashion tape industry in business for a L O N G time!

Heaving cleavage was all the rage last evening. A few small-busted ladies really went for it with terrific results! Saoirse Ronan in Calvin Klein. The emerald green was a darling love letter to Ireland.

Although her side boob was verging on vulgar, somehow Olivia Wilde, wearing Valentino, managed to look modern and classic. I loved the back “wings” detail. And she really nailed the jewels.

Charlize Theron seems to get more confident with age. Her red Christian Dior was stunning and I love that she was fearless in gilding the lily with a perfectly placed long diamond necklace. It worked!

A little less plunging, and far less successful, was Brie Larsen in Gucci. Her hair was brassy with an unattractive root line, and her makeup application looked a little junior prom to me. Although I loved the belt!

Jennifer Lawrence was striking in a black V-neck lingerie inspired Christian Dior gown. Although who can remember much about her gown when her bob looked so fantastic?

Just a small change can really make an impact. Julianne Moore parted her hair in the middle for a change and tucked it behind her ears, accentuating a gorgeous pair of earrings. Usually opting for a column gown, this year she freshened it up with Chanel Haute Couture dress that featured an A-line ballgown skirt. The plunging bodice was reminiscent of the Valentino Julia Roberts wore in 2005. Gorgeous.

Cate Blanchett was a major “love it or hate it” moment in her pale aqua floral appliqued Armani Prive gown. Was it slightly “Barbie riding a My Pink Pony?” Yes, and I Loooooved it. The fit was phenomenal. Her cleavage, her skin, her hair, oh my.

The girl who ironically showed no cleavage at all, gave Cate Blanchett a run for her money in stealing the show. The ever so lovely Alicia Vikander wore a pale yellow strapless taffeta Louis Vuitton with silver embellishments. The color and the high low balloon hemline were so original, the hair and earrings were so modern and the perfect juxtaposition to the dress. Bravo! Superb.

Deep jewel tones and strapless dresses dominated. Jostle me if I nod off. Naomi Watts was among the splashiest in her Armani Prive gown. It seemed a little bulky even on her slim frame. Tina Fey’s deep purple Atelier Versace gown fit her beautifully, but her necklace looked dated like something from the Tower of London.

Sarah Silverman’s strapless dress fit like a glove. But somehow a snooze. Far less successful were Reese Witherspoon and Jennifer Jason Leigh, whose looks were bordering on “old time saloon boredello.” And Patricia Arquette’s strapless with the over sized bow amplifying her ample bosom, well let’s just say….. I loved her glasses.

I am fairly certain Ralph Lauren collaborated with Hefty to design Kate Winslet’s strapless black lame’ dress. This may have been striking in person, but it was garish in photos. She is a red carpet pro as is Ralph and they deserve a time out.

Class acts never go out of style.

Two worth mentioning are Kerry Washington and Jennifer Garner. I didn’t love the leather bodice on Kerry’s dress but she is beautiful and came to the Oscars despite the controversy over the lack of diversity. She explained that she knew it would be a pivotal night and she wanted to be there to experience it. Speaking of grace and style, Jennifer Garner, arriving solo, looked confident and beautiful. Divorce looks great on you, Jennifer. The nanny got the booby prize.

Battle of the bumps.

Chrissy Teigan wore a most unfortunate dress by Marchesa. Either that or she fashioned something from the drapes at the local Courtyard Marriott. Emily Blunt had a more successful evening in her pale pink embellished A-line gown with a simple straps and neckline. I wish her hair were up though. Emily Blunt wins by a knock out.

And now, a few ladies who should be ashamed of themselves. 

Whoopie Goldberg, please stick to tuxedos.

As many of you know, I am a huge fan of a caftan. But Amy Poehler’s dress proved that even I have my limits. I know she’s Gaga and all, but the ballgown pantsuit thing was awful. It had a crazy eyed Kim Basinger vibe to it.

The rainbow pastel one armed skating/dance competition dress that someone obviously drugged Heidi Klum to wear looked like a costume from a Carol Burnett sketch.

Was Giuliana Depandi Rancic (E!Host) doing her best “Magda from Something about Mary” impression, or was her makeup a wee bit dark? Any way you slice it, and all kidding aside, its called

F A S H I O N! … The good, the bad, and the ugly. There really is no right or wrong, and I truly do love it all. We all have our moments and our missteps. We might as well have a little fun with it, right?

Lovelies, any thoughts to share?